my grandma was the classiest lady, kind of in that old-fashioned way. she got her hair styled, had old fur coats, a baby grand piano in her condo's living room. she smoked everyday, but hid her habit from the grandkids. one time I slept over at her place, found her smoking in bed and told my cousin, which made him cry.
years ago, I went to France on my own. before I left, my dad handed me some extra cash and asked me to buy a bottle of Sisley's eau du soir for her. it was her signature scent, he told me. it'll be cheaper there.
my grandma passed in 2014. I took it hard. she was my last living grandparent, and the one with whom I was closest. it's been over six years now, and I still miss her a lot. I think about her every week, wish I could talk with her. I miss the bagel brunches she'd throw when we visited; the warm, quiet afternoons in her living room with the hum of the tv in the background.
this year has been difficult. an international border separates me from my family now, and I'm not sure when I'll see them in person next. I've been missing them, and her. I'd like to know if she'd be proud of me, what advice she'd give me. I wish I could go back and hug her.
I bought a large bottle of eau du soir. it looks just like I remember it from her bathroom counter, with the golden top in the shape of a woman's head. it's a little extra, but so was my grandma.
when it arrived a few days ago, I immediately sprayed some on myself. it's been over six years since I've seen her, but I was instantly transported to her sunny, quiet condo. I saw her in one of her mohair sweaters, her hair coiffed and lipstick applied. I remembered how it felt to hug her.
I started crying.
I don't remember loving this scent growing up, but now I love it.
a complex, confounding mix of floral and musk.
